Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
