we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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