If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
