I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
