I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
