then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
