I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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