It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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