My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
