I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
