Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
