I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
