A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
