thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize