I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
