you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
