forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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