If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
