Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
