Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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