we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
