we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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