Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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