Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
