She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
