i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
