You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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