Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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