just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, beer. Big fan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sorry about my life...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
