went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
