Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
