My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
