new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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