Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
