I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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