i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
