Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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