There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
