So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
