so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
