Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
