I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
