those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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