I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
