Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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