dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
