I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
