Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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