New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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