new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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