Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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