did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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