He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
