you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
