Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
