fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
