Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
