So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
