Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
