This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
