I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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