apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
