things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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