How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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