Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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