yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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