I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
