this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
