I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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