Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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