Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
