i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
