Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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