He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
