i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
