I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
