seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize