i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
