You're my little dorito
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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