Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
