Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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