i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
