oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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