What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
