and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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