Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
