Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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