We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
