And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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